This election season and my dating life, surprisingly, have a lot in common. Both have had their share of thrilling moments, cringeworthy moments, and general WTF moments. Both are completely unpredictable. So, when I found myself, a politically charged single woman, visiting Washington D.C. for the weekend to attend festivities surrounding the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, I decided to merge the two together, and use only presidential candidate quotes on Tinder to try to score a date while I was in town. I mean, if Donald Trump could somehow win more than 1,000 electoral votes in spite of gems like «My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body,» it wasn’t so outrageous to think he could win me a few phone numbers, too.
The weekend of the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, aka nerd prom, is the one time of year you can expect to see the likes of Kendall Jenner and Michael Bloomberg rubbing elbows like old friends at the Washington Hilton. It’s a time when anything can — and often does — happen. I was hitting the weekend up solo, and although I didn’t have any real romantic goals for the evening (in my dreams, I would casually run into Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau while waiting for the bathroom, and my smile would be so irresistibly charming, he’d fall desperately in love with me, even though he’s married, or whatever), but I didn’t want to leave D.C. without at least trying to make a connection. As Hillary Clinton herself has said, «we have to be both dreamers and doers.»
That’s where the presidential candidates come in. Beginning Friday night when I first arrived in D.C. and continuing until I left on Sunday, I used only Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and Donald Trump quotes on Tinder to see who would have the most success in the department of domestic romantic affairs. (It’s worth noting that I considered using Ted Cruz quotes as well, but when taken out of context, it was hard to make them sound entirely human.) As has been the case with the rest of the election so far, I was shocked by the results. Here’s what happened.
First, I had to make my profile. I wanted something quick, witty, and to the point — and also something that would start conversation. And when it comes to the political stage, nothing sets the tone like bringing up the #WomanCard.
Hillary Clinton and I are both woman card-carrying members of a society still ruled by the patriarchy. On Tinder, I figured we’d make the perfect match. Plus, everything that comes out of Hillary’s mouth is a golden sound bite, so finding the perfect feminist quote to win over the D.C. masses wouldn’t be that hard — at least, so I thought.
Person Number 1:
My first shot channeling Hillary was off to a good start. This guy seemed into the idea of breaking the glass ceiling — but his attention span could only handle so much feminism.
I guess he wasn’t interested in even hearing a single one of those ideas, because that was the last I heard from him all night. But hey, to quote Clinton for a second, it’s important to «take criticism seriously, but not personally.» With the next person, I decided to use a softer opening line.
Person Number 2:
We had gone from small talk uk dating moroccan to interrogation-mode, and I was beginning to feel a lot like Hillary Clinton. Why couldn’t this dude just agree that all my vague plans for the future sounded wonderful? On the one hand, I was thrilled that he wanted to know more about my quest to achieve gender parity — but I also found it slightly disconcerting that I couldn’t easily find a solid Hillary quote to back up my grand calls to action.